I’m In Good Hands

So, here I sit, shutdown by the Arkansas DOT because I violated my permit.  The route I had took me around construction on I-55 in West Memphis.  Well, I planned on staying at the Flying J in West Memphis which is Exit 4 on I-55.  I figured, no problem, because US-70 dumps back out onto I-55 right before that.  I was wrong.  It dumps back out 2 exits AFTER it.  At this point I am past where I wanted to be, plus sunset is in 10 min. I think fast, and pull of on Exit 1 and flip around to I-55 North to go back to Exit 4.  I get back on the interstate and I see the Weigh Station sign, and of course it says OPEN.  That’s when it hit me.. I just screwed up BIG TIME!  The scale master tells me to leave the truck on the scale and bring in my paperwork (that’s never good).  I walked in the door and immediately said, “Sir, I just messed up and didn’t mean to be here.” He politely said, “You sure did, plus it’s past curfew.”  I’m really trying not to shit my pants at this point, but it was difficult (not gonna lie, cops freak me out).  The good news is I managed to control my bodily functions.  The bad news is, while he was a nice guy and just wrote me a warning ticket, he still invalidated my permit.  I was hoping he would just chew my ass and let me goto the Flying J and pretend this never happened.  You know the saying, “Wish (in this case hope) in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster?”  Well, I could use some hand sanitizer and paper towels.  Now I get to make that phone call to my fleet manager in the morning and tell him I need a new permit and explain why I’m a dumbass.

See, some things never change.  I still do dumbass stuff.  Honestly though, this day every year brings back a shit ton of memories, so I haven’t been totally on my game today.  On one hand, I am extremely thankful and blessed to be sitting here right now typing this.  On the other hand, I am still pissed off at how I was treated after my motorcycle accident, and unprofessional relationships.  No matter what happens, those feelings will never go away no matter how hard I try and suppress them.  I won’t even get into the Iraq stuff that pops back into my head from time to time.

The more I thought about that today though the more I realized, I don’t want to suppress them or forget about them. 21 Sept 2007 around 11:30 pm, was a HUGE defining moment in my life.  It was a game changer.  I went from a highly decorated MSgt who had won every yearly award possible (well, almost), to a piece of shit that they couldn’t wait to get rid of.

Ya know what though, that’s ok.  Knowing what I do now (some would argue it isn’t much more than it was), I’m glad it happened that way. See, had those events not happened, I wouldn’t be where I am in life right now.  There is no telling where I would be if the events of that night didn’t happen, or if I’d even be here.

What I do know though is, God has a plan.  He has a plan for each and every one of us.  We may not see it right now, or know what it is, but eventually we will.  I’m not sure what he has in store for me, but you can bet your ass I thank him every day for waking me up and allowing to be on the North side of the dirt.

Prior to 21 Sept 2007, there isn’t a chance in hell I would have wrote that last paragraph.  But, like I said earlier, that night was a game changer.  I flatlined twice, was paralyzed from the waist down for around 3-4 hours, and the doctors wouldn’t even let anyone notify my parents because they didn’t know if I was going to die or not.  The basically said if the swelling around my a major artery, I believe, got any worse there was nothing they could do.  To top it off, 23 Sep is when I went in for surgery.  I was the first one that morning.  I remember the doctor looking down at me prior to going under and telling me I was the first of six similar surgeries he had that day.  I would be the only one to walk when he was done.  He said there was nothing he could do about the others, he had to damage to many nerves to fix what they had wrong. (I think it’s a good time to tell you that my accident involved me and me only thankfully).

I really don’t give a shit what your personal beliefs are, but I’m here to tell ya, I have no damn doubt in my mind that the Good Lord was watching over me.  I should have died, but he said no sir, I’m not done with you yet.  I am so glad he isn’t either.  Even though I have no idea what his plans are for me, my life is so much more amazing now than it ever was.

See, I’m a firm believer, that everything happens for a reason.  We may have no clue what it is at the time, or may never know for that matter, but there is a reason.  There was a reason I missed my turn and then tried to go back, only to get stopped at the weigh station and have my permit invalidated.  I have no clue what the reason is, and I may never know.  But I trust I’m in good hands.

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