Thank You

As most of you know, my life is pretty much an open book. I have nothing to hide and if you want to judge me by what I write, that's your prerogative. I assure you though, as you start reading you will wonder where/what the title means. However, I am trying out my authoring skills and keeping ya in suspense till the end.

DISCLAIMER: Angie, you won't like this and I am pretty sure my phone will ring as you finish reading this.

Now that that is outta the way let's get to what sparked this particular entry.

I got a note, letter, or whatever the hell it was on the door tonight.. It is apparently a court summons from a private investigator. Yeah, that's what everyone wants to hear after a long day working right?

Well, I can guarantee that this is from some credit card company I owe money to. You would be surprised at how many times my phone rings a day from unknown or private numbers.

What pisses me off is even when I do talk to them, they just want money right now and could care less about anything else. I try to explain to them my situation and usually get cut off as I am sure they have heard the stories a million times in a day. I am out here working my ass off, and for anyone that sees a trucker and says, "awe that's just a dumb trucker" obviously has NO CLUE what we do. Granted there are many out here that are idiots, but there is in every profession. Bottom line is it isn't as easy as just sitting behind the wheel and driving. Especially as an Owner Operator.

That got me thinking about my life and how I made so many stupid choices and decision. For example, we have the two marriages where I thought everything was fine and one says she isn't happy after 9 years and the other sleeps with some dude she apparently hated while I was dodging mortars and IEDs in Iraq. Both of those I was to nice and completely lost my ass. Pretty much paid for everything and got not a damn thing in return.

Than there is my career. I had everything going for me.. Fast burner, stepped to MSgt at my 14 1/2 year mark, awarded the Bronze Star from the Army (how many AF guys can say that), and pretty much had it made. Money was awesome, all bills were getting paid, I had my dream truck I always wanted, a brand new motorcycle, and all was good.

Well, if you have read my blogs before you know how I fucked that one up..

So, where am I going with this you ask? Here is where Angie gets pissed and I am so gonna get my ass chewed.. I sometimes wish that Adam would not have found me and I would have just died in that field.

Ya wanna know the ironic part of the motorcycle accident? The fucktard that I was riding with and later found me is the same jackass that testified against me in my separation hearing. That ladies and gentleman is what we call a buddy fucker.. I won't even go into talking about the other piece of shit that felt it was his duty to seek out the prosecuting attorney and volunteer a statement… That reminds me, I should send the 8 volume almost foot thick stack of transcripts from the trial to a screen writer. Pretty sure it would make one helluva a Lifetime Network movie since I used my rank and authority to "prey" on women. YES, that was told to me straight to my face by my commander, who also testified against me… Anyway, I digress

I apologize for the language, but it really pisses me off. After everything I have done for the AF, I get tossed aside like a dirty rag. Again, I take full responsibility for what I did. I just don't agree with it, never will, and it will always piss me off.

My mom sent me an email the other day and it was about a guy and his medal or something like that. That isn't the important part though. In the email she asked where my medals were and that they should at least be displayed or something. I think she also said I should be proud of them.

My reply to her was that she would have to ask Angie as I have no idea where they are and really don't care. It was apparent to me that they didn't matter to the separation board, so why should I care. That is not saying that my medals should have wowed them into keeping me in, but damnit, what I did to earn them should have.

I used to wear them proudly, just like I wore my uniform proudly. Hell, Lt Spencer used to give me shit in Iraq because I would iron my deserts. LOL. That's just how anal and proud of it I was.

So basically the cliff notes version of all of that is I was on top of the world and now I feel like I am 5 1/2 foot deep in the ground.

Stick with me people as I am almost near the end…. I need to remind everyone that I don't type these looking for sympathy either. I type them because it helps me chillax and I hope that in some way, it helps all of you that read this to maybe look at life differently or realize that things could be worse.

Would anyone like to take a huge guess at what keeps me going? I mean that's a fair question as I painted a pretty somber picture and many people would have jumped off a bridge by now.

YOU are what keep me going!!! All of my friends. If your reading this on FB, your included in that.. Now, with that there is one extremely important person that is my life, and that is Angie. I can honestly say I have no idea where I would be without her. She is my rock, bestest friend, and soul mate… Angie, if you actually read this far, stop crying. I am almost done and you can call soon.

Finally, I also keep going for two other people, who's names I never bothered to get because I couldn't muster the courage to attend their funeral. For those that aren't on the lead lap and need a lucky dog, I am referring to the two Soldiers who gave their life on 5 Jan 2006 when the convoy I specifically planned to Taji was attacked by IEDs. I watched one get vaporized into pink mist. Both of those guys had spent 365+ days in Iraq and were 5 days from going home. It was there day off and they were not supposed to be there, but I convinced their convoy commander that we HAD to go that day. They never got the chance to come home. They never got the chance to see their families again. They never got the chance to deal with what I am dealing with….. When I put it in that perspective, I really don't have it bad at all.

With that I will sign off. THANK YOU!!!

2 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. know that this week has been hella hard on you and I can't imagine what it feels like to be you. I do need you to understand one very important thing…I am 100% completely, obsessively, incontrollably in love with you. I fell in love with you because you are the most real person I know. With you it's always what you see is what you get, you don't sugarcoat anything to guard my feelings you tell it like it is always. I fell in love with you during the roughest part of your life so far. I know everything about you, everything you have done the good, the bad and the ugly and you know what I am still here and will not be going anywhere. Just so you know I am so proud of you for everything babe. EVERYTHING! I am proud of you for your military career and ALL of your medals which you earned. I am proud of you for all the deployments. I am proud of you for the mistakes you have made because you have grown from them. I don't understand why good men have to be brought down by their mistakes but you have to let them go hon, it's killing you and your spirit, which is another thing that I love.Ty, you may not believe the same things I do like I do, but you have to forgive yourself. God had forgiven you and if He can, your creator than why can't you? If you ask him he will heal your heart. What about the financial aspect? Well ask him for guidance, let Him help you. There is no way that I would be who I am today and where I am today if I didn't hang on to God or turn to him.I trust you with my heart and love you with every fiber of my being. All I need you to do is try everyday to let a little tiny piece go. I am always here and will always be here too. You are my life and I hate it when you are hurting. I love you and am proud to be your wife…

  2. I sometimes miss the pre 5 Jan 2006 Ty, but I love and support the post Jan 2006 Ty! No one will ever know everything you have been through. I remember the night you told us the story at Bill and Steph's house while you were home on R&R. I don't know how you have kept it together. The Air Force system failed you. The Air Force made a mistake the day you were discharged. You gave more than you ever received from the service. Display those medals proudly. You earned every one of them. Keep your head held high!! We love you!!!! John & Bethany

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